yoga, oanameans, oana, bridge pose

I am building a bridge

One of my teachers once told me “If someone asks you how long did it take you to finish a piece of art, you should answer – My whole life ”.

I believe art is not a product but a vibration of beauty caught by the soul of an artist at it’s highest. It’s a process, which can take indeed a lifetime.

Leaving my cubical life three years ago has been the best decision I have ever taken in my life so far and I am grateful for having the guts and inspiration to do so. It has been a full on journey, with amazing but also doubtful moments, uncertainty and fear. My positive attitude kept me going, and Bali nurtured me well.

I gave up to a lot of things from my daily existence, especially materialistic aspects, as I came to the conclusion that a simpler life is more fulfilling. It gave me the space to pay more attention and appreciate more the few things I had. It cleared and expanded my horizons for new possibilities and opportunities to come my way.

Reaching the point where I could actually call myself an artist and share my work officially with the world, has been the most divine moment of my life. I have never felt so close to my heart and my truth. That’s God for me!

2014 has been very intense so far, with many ups and downs. After deciding to seriously emerge into my art last year and live once again from my savings, so I can create, the magic revealed and inspiration started flowing. I guess that’s what happens when you concentrate your entire energy towards one goal and put your heart in it.  My own website and my first ever exhibition were the main focus. I worked hard and made them both happen!

Along the way, the financial needs of my daily existence pushed me again towards looking for a “proper” job, as some would consider. And as I knew there was no turning back from the artist, I promised myself I would never work full time again for other business than mine. Art has to be first! And so I kept my promise.

I found that job, exactly as I wished and at the right time, before my savings were gone. I was excited about the new project and happy I can continue supporting my creative journey. Everything seemed perfect.

I reconnected with dancing and found myself surrounded by people who encouraged me in my journey and keep me inspired. It really felt like home.

The month of September has been so high in good energy that I was afraid my wings would all of a sudden become visible and I would look ridiculous. I knew I had to ground myself soon but still enjoyed the view from above.

I thought I literally had it all figured out and then….

My new contract for the job got cancelled overnight. I was reminded that business can be blunt and that our lives can change any second and nothing is secure. A great lesson from life.

Like that was not enough, the local authorities decided to give me a considerable fine for organizing my exhibition without informing them. Yes, life in Bali is not easy at all times. A game I’ll have to play.

One day in heaven, next day ground zero, these all caught me unguarded.

The intensity of the emotions I’ve been through the last weeks could be easily material for a book or a new painting series. It was like I was given too much air and all of a sudden the connection with the supply was cut, just like that.

My mind was like trapped into a rubber ball, trying to find an exit. After I made peace with “why is this all happening to me” state of mind, things started to calm down and I had to accept the situation and go with it. There must be something amazing waiting for me around the corner.

And so I started breathing again, when friends and family jump to help and offered support and when I realized I am not alone. Messages and phone calls started pouring in, like ants army ready to go to war. WOW! I felt I could crush on safe bed of hands knowing that it will be OK, at least for a while.

I have never been so poor in my bank account and so rich in my spirit! So what do I do to keep the spirit going?

Do I start looking again for a “proper” job again or do I take my chances and concentrate on creating? I feel I came so far. I want to continue creating, sharing and inspiring people, with my art and my stories. I feel those are my best tools and I want to use them at their up most. Everyone’s reactions have been amazing so far towards my work and the support unbelievable. I have to give it a try, but how do I go from here? How do I build that bridge?

So many questions, only one answer. BELIEVE! I have to believe and I have to keep going.

I’ve judged myself enough for the last few days and finally I decided to do this, whatever the outcome. I’ve learned that weak is just a negative connotation society gives to vulnerability. Vulnerability is beautiful!

Tell me your story. If you believe in me, create work for me as an artist. Help me build my bridge.

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